Looking Through Stained Glass


You come home to me every night
Once in a blue moon, early in the morn
On the nights just ‘hanging with the boys’
I never guessed our marriage was torn

On a night when I know it was home I stayed
She compliments how well you two work
Comments on the hotel where you both played
And my soul just dropped out with a jerk

My God! The intimate things you told
You dare to commend my oral ability?
I still feel the chill as my blood runs cold
Reading you no longer find me pretty

Just a slight twinge of things not quite the same way
Your own words confirm what little I thought amiss
I drown my tears in the flow of the shower’s spray
A blinking cursor has brought me to this

You fell asleep leaving an IM to tell all
Not for a night, weeks or months, but years
For a week I held the pain of my hearts fall
Before I could no longer hold in the tears

So before you went out another Friday night
I confront you with everything I know
As I suspected, you played down my plight
With reasons ready and on the go

It was just cyber talk it wasn’t real
Just things to each other you say
Oh you made such a lovely appeal
Offered to call her, if I wanted it that way

But its not to her I wanted to have a word
Her sins with a married man are her own
She didn’t make the vows we all heard
It’s wasn’t she who betrayed all I’ve known

I’ve always had some space to give
I’ve never been one to smother
I don’t know how other people live
With every waking thought on the other

But your lies burn through my heart in small degrees
And shatters each piece all to hell
Mistrust grows in my soul like a rancid disease
I can’t live my life and yours as well

You ask how you can make this right
And I honestly don’t know
This betrayal wasn’t created in just one night
And in one night this pain won’t go

Amazed how smooth your words flow through
I’m exasperated and beyond spent
Not knowing what else to say or do
I shook my head and out the door you went

And I sat wondering where you were
Are you truly where you said you’d be
Or did you run out on your cell to warn her
Oh my god what this was doing to me

You haven’t said a word about it since then
You come home work and it was all about you
Needing a massage for your back again
And you honestly expected me to

We may heal, but we’ll never rebound
If first words don’t find away
Through this odd dance going around and around
Faking through the motions of the day

I know you know I seethe, I never hid feelings well
You’ve chosen instead this nonchalance
And I refuse to be the first to impel
Conversation, some sort of a response

This blasé attitude is a whole new hell
It’s as if of all my hurt you’ve had no part
Did you really think mere words are enough to quell
This pain that still reigns in my heart?

You say you love and have loved only me
But your words put my back to the wall
You joke I should love you unconditionally
But I don’t think it’s a joke at all

Are you hoping if we keep gong through the motions
It will eventually all breeze by you
Without your putting forth any kind of notions
To heal the hell you’re putting me through

Do you truly believe I am so weak
Of my leaving you have no fear
And if I’m as strong as I speak
Then why am I still here?

Because I believe on some level you love me
And maybe you are willing to work on your end
I can’t live with your ignoring this blindly
But is it enough? Can we truly make amends?

And because through all this I know I still love you
But this betrayal is so beyond the line
You may think I can love this unconditionally through
But trust me those words were never mine

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© 2005 Raivenne (All rights reserved)

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