Looking Through Stained Glass

Orphan


He was my first Deity, my Lord
All I knew encircled Him
He was the sun and I followed in path
Capitulated to His moods,
Prayed for His mercy
Lived in fear of His wrath

After all he was My Father

But he bowed to a deity
Of his own
That either kept him cold and aloof
or filled with an evil spirit
of liquid hellish fire
of at least 80 proof

We tried to be as quiet as a church
In the middle of the night
But we never found a peace to be still
When I can be whipped awake
At any moment
For some ages old forgotten ill

And where was she you ask
When his fist and my face
Were making a constant connection
How could she save me when she herself
Was in dire need
Of her own protection

Where do I go
This was my shelter
It was all I’ve ever known
I’m taught never to be where I’m not wanted
But what do I do when I’m a child
And where I’m not wanted is home

Well the first time I ran
I was soon returned
For I was very under aged
But I aired laundry in the process
And now both of them
Were enraged

Straight A’s brought not a praise
Chores lack brought not a reproach
His indifference became such
That I would push his button
With a cheeky little laugh
The only way to feel his touch

Knowing it was all
A f*cked way to feel
Just added to vicious revolution
a permanent penance to pay
For which there was never
an absolution

So when I broke out
And ran away part four
I just started living wild
No one ever said a word
what could they say
I am my father’s child

I’m told I should still love him
Pray for him
And wish him well
I say I do in the mere fact
that I simply
Haven’t wished him to hell

Some called me cold
Some called me tough
She can handle any sh*t
But I grew up where
Where whining didn’t change a thing
so what was the point to it

My mother died first
and she I do miss
She did the best that she could
The next I saw him was to bury him
Keeping a promise
He knew I would

He’s been gone
nearly a year
without any impact
I was an orphan
deep in my spirit
Long before I was in fact 

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Tell me what you think... E-mail me:
raivenne@theraivenne.com

© 2005 Raivenne (All rights reserved)

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